Today, I present a unified smite to the creators and posters of this blog for not smiting nearly as much as they should. Smite thee, lazy smiters!

*smack* Ouch!

Smite thee, silly hackers! I'd very much like to call you by some very nasty names, since you've seen it fit to hack one of my websites on my frickin' birthday, but I prefer to give you a long list of Shakespearian insults instead. Here goes: *draws breath*

Thou weedy clapper-clawed fustilarian!
Thou mewling full-gorged malt-worm!
Thou frothy earth-vexing skainsmate!
Thou elvish-mark'd, abortive, rooting hog!
Thou ruttish toad-spotted whey-face!
Thou fawning pox-marked clotpole!
Thou wimpled fool-born devil-mon!
Thou odiferous doghearted mammet!
Thou cullionly sheep-biting gudgeon!
Thou jarring pox-marked coxcomb!
Thou paunchy milk-livered pigeon-egg!
Thou surly crook-pated foot-licker!
Thou impertinent bat-fowling measle!
Thou mammering lily-livered bladder!
Thou qualling pottle-deep coxcomb!
Thou droning ill-breeding hugger-mugger!
Thou surly guts-griping flap-dragon!
Thou warped flap-mouthed scut!
Thou mangled dizzy-eyed apple-john!
Thou dankish malmsey-nosed varlot!

Phew, I feel a little better now.

Smite thee, troublesome distributors!

Today I'd like to present a nice, big smite to all my distributors (well, all but one - we all love you, K-man) for the following reasons:

- Not delivering items at the given date. I'm the one that have to tell the customer "Ehm, sorry, I know I said it'd be here this week... and last week... and the week before that... but... it's kinda... not here." Smite thee! If you can't deliver, just frickin' say so!

- Being all bitchy about refunds/repairs/returns. Hey, the damn thing is defective. It came in a box that looked like it'd been trampled by a stampeding herd of elephants. It's smoking. It's in several pieces. Why, oh why do I need to fill out five different forms, in duplicate, with copies of invoices, photos of the product, photos of my pet, a written statement and my social security number for you to send me an actual working product? Smite that!

- Changing prices at an alarming rate. Look, I know you need to change your prices according to the competing markets, webshops, star constellations and tidal waters; however, more than two changes within a three month period is just ridiculous. Adding pain to injury: increasing the prices in January only to lower them again in March isn't even ridiculous - it's just plain stupid. And evil. "Stuevil" as the Chosen One would have aptly formulated it. Smite thee, price-changing persons!


Phew, glad that's out of my system. Huh? Phone-call for me? Bossman who? Oh... Oh! Damn.

I am a pushover pedestrian. It's not something I am proud of, but it's the truth. I walk a lot, and on my foot-based travels, I often encounter other people who are also walking and more often than not, in the opposite direction of me. This of course leads to certain... "encounters" of a most unpleasant (for me, that is) variety. See, I am a simple, rural man who has been raised according to some old-fashioned principles commonly referred to as "common courtesy". These principles state that I, when out walking, meet another person walking in my general direction, I take a step or two to my right-hand side to allow this person to pass me with a certain ease.

Of course, these principles are based on the idea that this person also does this (takes a step or two to his or her right-hand side), thus creating a comfortable amount of passageway and much needed personal space between us. It's an old-fashioned idea, I know, but I feel it's a good one.

Unfortunately, this ancient knowledge of pedestrian courtesy seems to have faded into oblivion. I regularily get pushed aside, elbowed, bumped into or shouldered by men, women, little old ladies and seven year-olds. Being a man of principle, I continue to uphold the glorious ideals I have such belief in, but alas, my faith is being tested everyday. For years, I have stepped aside into snow, mud, puddles of water, dog-droppings and slush just to have the other person give me a good bump as they refuse to take similar action when we meet.

So, I see no other solution than to give all you selfish, brutal jay-walkers a good, solid smite. In particular, I'd like to reserve a special über-smite for the guy who nearly pushed me into a passing semi-trailer yesterday. Yes, the massive amounts of snow has reduced our already small sidewalks to nothing, but you COULD have taken that small step to the side so that I would have had a 30 cm clearing of the motorized death-machine that brushed beside me instead of the nerve-inducing 5 cms. Also, a good smiting is in order for the officials of this silly little town who seem to think that cars are more important than people. Ka-shmack!

Thank you for your attention,

Bit - brutalized pedestrian

PS! I'm thinking of establishing a "Pushover Pedestrians Association" (PPA) for other abused pedestrians like me, please get in touch if you feel this is of interest to you.